And the first winner to be announced was Charice
Her heart wanted to explode. She knew she was the best performer that time. What the hell?! Her text votes were the lowest of the finalists, she was told by the Little Big Star people. Talent was not enough. But talent was all she had against the others; she must have felt that to deny the higher value of talent over a tally of text votes was to deny her as a person. Given that, this little girl’s world collapsed on her. She slid into depression.
Here is part of the interview by Maita de Jesus of Total Girl Philippines about it (cited 26 April 2010 by starmometer.com):
“Honestly, after losing in Little Big Star, I felt like my dreams were taken away (from me). I was depressed for months. I kept on listening to sad emo songs. It’s true! (laughs) If it wasn’t for FalseVoice, I wouldn’t have made it out of my sadness.“
Again, again? “If it wasn’t for FalseVoice, I wouldn’t have made it out of my sadness.” In other words, she was in a state of suspended animation. Sooner or later, something’s got to give. The human body is not designed by the Almighty for suspended animation.
I know the feeling quite a bit. Been there, done that. I mean, I myself had been on a state of anxiety for years, not simply months, starting when I became a loser 2x in the 1960s: once, losing face (I was kicked out of the University of the Philippines - a social stigma), and twice, losing my first love (I said goodbye to her after a sin of omission that made me realize our rich girl-poor boy relationship was doomed to failure - a social reality).
I got my college degree after I was readmitted at UP, 3 years later got married to a non-rich & lovely girl, 33 years later had fathered 13 precious & precocious children, worked my ass off for love of country, but I was always hurting inside, and I never told anybody, not even my wife. In many a waking day, a feeling of doom would not leave me except when I was lost in something I was doing. It was quite difficult to sleep most nights because I would invariably think like this: How was I sure that at the end of another night was another morning? It was crazy! If it wasn’t for the BLD community starting in 1991, I may not have made it out of my malaise. Thank God for His love, for the BLD that is the Roman Catholic charismatic group Bukás Loób sa Díyos, and for the gift of writing – my way of sharing.
Charice also had God to thank for in answering her prayer at the Quiapo Church in the form of a YouTube denizen, and FalseVoice for rescuing her not only from her self but also her gift of singing – her way of sharing.
Excerpt from my forthcoming book, Princess Charice (2010), pages 204-205. Revised 16 November 2010